Introducing the book Why good people do bad things : how to stop being your own worst enemy by Debbie Ford
“Why good people do bad things : how to stop being your own worst enemy?” An important reading to fully understand the human condition. “Debbie Ford” shows that what causes sabotage in our relationships, finances, families and jobs is rooted in our unknown and subconscious plans. This programming leads to an unhealthy belief about our dark aspects; That is, the same pain and shame that we feel has led us to consider food, alcohol, relationships, substances, excitement, gossip, etc. as ways to divert our senses from seeing things that are considered unacceptable and unpleasant. , To use.
Why good people do bad things?
It often happens that we see good people around us doing bad things! A respected employee who for years took a direct route from home to work and then in the last year of his work was arrested for embezzlement. A good lady who has lived with her husband for ten years and is a kind mother to her three children, and you hear about her betrayal in her early middle age.
Why good people do bad things?
Why, while we live so angelicly, there are parts of us that look like demons that make us laugh, and in an instant question all that we have been trying to build for days with a cry over our mistress, giving in to a temptation, and we Do we see in the moment a part of ourselves or those around us that we never even imagined existed?
Debbie Ford believes that we need to understand that man is the sum of opposites, the sum of good or bad, light and darkness, weakness and strength, talent and stupidity, and that all human beings have potentially all the qualities and good and bad that you can imagine; A growing process will begin in the person. We have every trait you see in others, from murder and rape to being donated to a charity. The human condition is at one of these two poles at all times.
This duality will always be with man. To deny it is to deny our perfection and our true self. Realizing the fact that no matter how good you are, we have the capacity to do the ugliest things and the most destructive behaviors, it takes a lot of intellectual and spiritual effort. Mental laziness causes us to think well of ourselves and direct all evil to others.
One of the important points addressed in this book is
that what is really going on outside of us and forcing us to judge is the point of our inner repression. A war from the inside, the appearance of which makes us angry and upset. The moment we look at a woman and regret her betrayal, we are actually beating the same part of us.
You undoubtedly have a traitor in yourself who you have judged and oppressed, and that is why you allow yourself to judge her appearance. Inside us is every trait we know in humans. Although we may be unaware of their existence, we should know that we are the introduction of the most filthy human qualities to the most sublime, which may manifest themselves at any time and in any place.
But what is it about us that can ruin everything in an instant? Every human being has a dark and unknown half. The half that only one person can understand. This is why we recognize infidelity, taking money that does not belong to you, lies and such traits, but the dark side often remains undiscovered and unknown. We often hide these tendencies behind shame and denial so that no one can see. Even we forget where we hid our dark side and what happens next?
Debbie Ford says that in such a dark environment, our existence becomes more powerful by denial, and like invisible clusters, takes control of our time and our lives.
In fact, the main issue with this book is that many people, very unconsciously, decide to choose a character or mask based on the circumstances in which they live.
These masks become the meaning of a person’s life in order to heal the injured inside. In fact, people decide to deny and ignore a large part of themselves so that they can be more lovable, able to receive the love and attention they need.
But the bitter truth that Debbie Ford is trying to say is that people can not ignore a part of their being forever, even when they are on their deathbed. This ignorance will increase the ability of this section so much that the dark half, like a dagger, will sink into their side at an unexpected moment.
This dagger can be small events, such as starting a small fight with a partner after a dinner that they have planned for a long time ago or criticizing the child just when they have been trying to communicate with him for months.
In fact, the main message is that until you encounter what you are trying to ignore, you have to worry at all times about the bouncing ball that you have hidden in the water.
Perhaps this can help you to know that your true self will never go to waste. So is your transcendent self. To get rid of internal conflict, you have to face your wounded inside. The same part that lurks behind our conscious mind and shows itself with all its might in an instant. You have to come to terms with this part of your brain. Debbie Ford will introduce you to the full meaning of this reconciliation in one chapter.
He has an interesting definition in this regard.
He says that each of our contradictory traits sits on a rocking chair. If you can accept them and embrace them, the swing will be in balance, but if you try to suppress one to show only your half-light to the world and deny them instead of reconciling with your dark desires, the swing is dangerously out of balance. Will come out and this imbalance will damage his personal life.
There is a big secret. The big secret that Debbie Ford tells in this book and offers a way to get people to the main goal. The secret is:
There are many selves within our “selves” because we as human beings are prone to every quality and characteristic. There is nothing that we can see and judge and not be ourselves. We are all light and darkness, sinner and saint, lover and beloved. We are both kind and good-hearted and bad-tempered and heartless. Within me and you, there are every trait we know in humans.
Although we may not be aware of all these qualities, we should know that they are hidden within us and may manifest themselves anytime, anywhere. Understanding this allows us to understand why “good people” are capable of doing such “bad things”. More importantly, why we sometimes become our own worst enemy.
Index of the book Why good people do bad things : how to stop being your own worst enemy
- A word to the readers
- Part One: The Endless Battle
- Chapter One: The Impact of the Inflatable Ball
- Chapter Two: The Gap
- Chapter Three: Swing
- Chapter 4: Be ashamed
- Chapter Five: The Onslaught of Fear
- Chapter Six: The Destruction of the Ego
- Chapter 7: Deciphering the False Self
- Part two: Reconciliation Treaty
- Chapter 8: Masks
- Chapter 9: Waking up denial
- Chapter Ten: Healing the Gap
- Chapter Eleven: The Power of Forgiveness
- Chapter Twelve: Return to Love
- About the author
The scary thing is that we all do it, to some extent or completely, and ultimately, being aware of the lies we admit to ourselves helps us to understand the root cause of our failures. Debbie Ford “gives you “How to stop being hostile to yourself,” he says.
Excerpts from the book Why do good people do bad things? (Text pleasure)
Denied and unprocessed shame are among the factors that lead us to destroy our successes, to rebel against our personal interests, to take away what does not belong to us, to be disgraced for following our past habits, and to destroy our relationships. .
Self-destruction is a way of revealing our inner shame, that is, we unknowingly do something that disgraces ourselves in front of others so that we can prevent an event that causes us to become even more ashamed; In other words, if we do not take into account our shame, he will take care of our account.
If we deny or suppress it again, we will manifest it in a destructive way.
That is why it is so important to come to terms with our past suffering, to learn from it. To use it to grow and help us become more complete and integrated;
It is then that we no longer have to do anything to make public what we are unable to see. Once we understand the intrinsic value of shame, we will know what it is, we will know the spiritual guidance to help us understand the deepest layers of our being and to heal our emotional wounds and to disable our negative planning, and this must be a spiritual healing. He knew there was a way to heal the soul in order to guide us to a more intimate relationship with our righteous and healthy natures.
The act of self-destruction seems to come from grief, but in my opinion, this kind of action is a natural way of showing the inner and hidden shame and the rift that exists within us.
We may be able to keep this hidden shame for a while until one day, right at the moment, circumstances arise and factors come together to remind us of what we have hidden deep inside. It may be those feelings of failure, inadequacy, and unworthiness that begin to shake and shake the world within us and make us anxious, worried, and hesitant about ourselves.
. Our embarrassment often makes us feel that we have achieved more than others and that our goals have been met. This can happen when we reach a level of success, love, affection, or praise that is beyond our familiar comfort zone.
2- Introducing the book Why do good people do bad things in Aparat